Starting Fresh

My, oh my! I love the tangible excitement in the air that comes with the first day of classes. Everyone feels refreshed from the break, confident in their new clothes, and optimistic about their classes. On top of this, the weather was beautiful today! Heading back to Provo from Vegas I was crossing my fingers that I wouldn't be greeted with a blanket of white and thank goodness I have been spared just a little bit longer. The slight chill subsided with the afternoon and a cool breeze provided the perfect, almost fall like, weather.

With this wonderful feeling in the air I went to class after class and was continuously impressed by my professors, the courses, and the classmates that are about to be my life this semester. Never have I felt so much excitement on a first day! My usual anxiety on being late to class, or not being able to find the room, or even knowing who to sit next to was no where to be found. I went through my first five classes with ease and a calm, reassuring feeling that I am going to love these next four months ahead of me.

A bit of nostalgia hit me, though, as I sat in my last class of the day. Last semester I had my sign language class in the same room and with all the memories had there the memory of my very first day stuck out. Today, when I walked into that class I was not enrolled yet into the course and this brought me back to the first time I walked into that room, into a class I was also not enrolled in....

I recently found this in my notebook from last semester explaining what happened that, well, embarrassing day:

Ever since I was a little girl, for whatever reason, I have had great anxiety about being late to classes as well as getting lost in unfamiliar places. In order to avoid this happening the second week of school I took extra care to leave my apartment with enough cushion time to find the new classes I had added. There I was, walking steadily to my very first ASL class Tuesday evening, relaxed as can be. All I had on my mind was to find that class of mine and get in there before the start to find a seat. With such a primary focus I foolishly let all other reason and thought go unrecognized. So it was no surprise what happened next...

I find the small classroom for ASL in the MARB easily and quickly as I walk into the building. With my delight I don't even think about the fact that I left about twenty minutes too early and I walk directly into the class to sit among the other students. Still absently walking, I take a seat near the back, completely failing to notice that the young TA talking at the front of the room is not my deaf ASL teacher and class has been going on for about half an hour at this point. I had sat down and pulled out my notebook by the time all these fuzzy details came into focus. Learning nothing from my previous adventure in the library, I figured it was too late to turn back; I had a seat, my notebook was out, I was committed.

 To my horror the TA, looking right at me (as well as the other twenty students in the class), asked for my name and quizzically asked if I was in this class. Oh no! She knows! My stomach dropped and imaginary bullets of sweat began to poor down my face. I had no intention of making a fool of myself in front of this class full of students so I did all that there was left to do...lie. Without skipping a beat, I cleverly replied, "Oh no, I'm not. I have been thinking about adding this class so I thought I would sit in and get a feel for it. Sorry I walked in so late." Ah-ha! I had been quick with my response and this assured me that I was in the clear. All I had to do now was sit quietly and be inconspicuous for the next fifteen to twenty minutes. Most would find this to be a short amount of time but as I sat in that classroom my thoughts gave me no rest. I was sure that any moment one of the other students was going to stand up and point directly at my ashamed face while exclaiming, "She is lying, she does not belong here!" In turn exposing me for the fraud I was.

The clock ticked uncomfortably slow as I hid my head in shame writing the longest to-do list of my life. Finally that blessed time read 3:50 and the bonds of embarrassment which seemed to hold me captive began to release its grip. I avoided eye contact as I remained firmly planted in my seat while everyone left the room around me. My real classmates began to file in while the sting of embarrassment took its sweet old time in leaving me. It is safe to say that I now have a very different take on the phrase "the early bird gets the worm"...